Many of you know that I struggle during the winter. The bleakness, the cold, the short days...I've tried so many things.
Vitamin D, exercise, alcohol...but no matter what there is just something so blah about cold grey leaf-less days.
Life is a fragile balance of so many different things, and I'm a huge worrier. I worry about every freaking thing. It's a problem.
I keep waiting for a better day, a new day, one where I won't have these concerns and will have some modicum of peace.
Because I haven't really felt peaceful in a very long time.
When you're a female living alone, taking care of yourself, juggling these huge responsibilities sometimes you get caught up into a terrible cycle of worry.
Mostly worries about money. But there are other things too. People deal with life in different ways, some turn to drugs, some turn to religion, others just waste away.
I think that I turn inward mostly. I try to escape into myself. Isolate myself, because I worry that when I'm in this state no one will want to be around me at all. I'm not used to anyone trying or taking care of me. So when I meet someone who does care about me, I'm like those shelter dogs who have been living on the street scrounging in the garbage cans, I'm wary of anyone who reaches out with their hands.
And I've learned that somehow, I always land on my feet no matter what. So what is the whole point of this? Isn't that the real question?
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